Dear Quentin,
My husband and I have been retired for seven years. We had good jobs, saved money, and now have some financial security. We went from a four-bedroom house to a two-bedroom house, from two cars to one. We purchased prepaid cremation plans and continue to save where we can. Several years ago, we drafted our will with an attorney and placed the appropriate assets in a revocable trust.
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It seems we were all ready to enjoy our retirement. RIGHT? My son, however, had financial problems. He joined promising startups; However, startups don’t always take off. He has a wife and young daughter who needed his support. Without the means to support them, he turned to his parents. When we agreed to help him by giving him $100,000, it was understood that this debt would be repaid with his share of the inheritance.
He now has a stable job and no longer needs our help. How do we fairly document this debt in our will and take into consideration that he is not the only beneficiary? Should we simply strip him of his share of the inheritance and ignore the fact that the other beneficiaries would have received a larger share of the inheritance, without his debt? Once we have determined an equitable distribution, how can we document it in our will?
Mom in California
Dear MIC,
You deserve to enjoy a peaceful, guilt-free retirement.
Your plan should be twofold: 1) Be transparent with your son so he knows what you plan to do; This isn’t necessary, of course, but it will help offset any hurt after you leave and, ideally, give him time to get used to the idea that he will inherit X instead of Y. When a loved one dies, this can bring all kinds of family dysfunction to the surface, so the more honest and respectful you are about different inheritances, the easier probate should be.
And 2) Be as specific as possible in your will. Include the reason why you do not want to leave equal amounts to your children: this may be because one child is richer than the other, or does not have secure housing, has chronic health problems, or simply because of favoritism. There is a difference between “equal” and “fair” and no one has the right to receive anything from a parent. It’s your money and your choice to distribute it as you see fit.
You can also leave a “letter of instructions” in your will. These are often…
